Writing the Old-Fashioned Way: Alternatives to Artificial Intelligence for Writers

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In the past few years Large-Language Models AKA “A.I.” such as ChatGPT have become widespread, and been introduced into all sorts of programs. Recently here at the Kill Zone we’ve had several posts on A.I., including two already this week, one on Wednesday by John Gilstrap and another on Thursday by Patricia Bradley.

Personally I am against using A.I. in my novel brainstorming, writing and for research. I’m concerned about outsourcing my thinking and creativity to a program that is capable of neither. Many of these programs were trained on copyrighted material without the owners permission (including seven of my own books), and there’s also concern about plagiarism. I am also concerned about errors in A.I. search results.

So, for those would rather avoid using such LLMs/Gen A.I. for brainstorming, writing or research, here are a few alternatives.

Brainstorming Without A.I.

You might brainstorm a whole book, or a crucial scene, or plot point. It can be a simple as sitting down and writing out a list of ideas for that plot point, character, or surprise, or breaking out a pack of index cards and jotting down scene ideas, one scene per card.

My Words of Wisdom post from 2023 featured useful advice from three authors on brainstorming which is worth revisiting.

Then there are handy card decks to help with brainstorming, such as Storymatic, the Writers Emergency Pack and the Writing Down the Bones deck.

I first learned about The Storymatic card deck from our very own James Scott Bell, in a 2021 post entitled “How to Write When You’re Not Writing.”

As Jim noted in that post, Their ad line is “Six trillion stories in one little box. Which one will you tell?” It’s a set of 500 cards of two types. One type is a setting or situation, the other is a kind of character. I’ll draw one of each at random and put them together to see what comes up.”

Writers Emergency pack was created by screenwriter John August, and is intended to be used when you stuck while plotting or writing. There are 52 cards—26 idea cards and 26 detail cards which include suggestions on how to move forward. It’s a handy break the block or end the creative drought set of cards.

Writing Down The Bones deck, by Natalie Goldberg, author of the classic Writing Down the Bones, provides sixty prompts to spark your writing.

Brainstorming with another writer or a group of writers can be creative dynamite. Back in 2013, I attended author Kij Johnson’s two-week long writers workshop at the University of Kansas, which focused on brainstorming and creating novel outlines. After returning I decided to form my own brainstorming group and got together with three other writers. There’s nothing quite like brainstorming a novel with a group of fellow writers. Also in 2013, my now-friend and fellow author Susan Kaye Quinn blogged about one way to brainstorm a book, in seven steps, which is both a useful example and a handy method in its own right.

Writing Without A.I.

At this time Apple Pages, Literature and Latte’s Scrivener, and Libre Office do not have A.I.  installed.

Pages comes with all Macs, iPhones and iPads and can import and export Word .doc files.

Scrivener is a program designed for writing various short stories, novels, and screenplays and which is available for both Windows and Mac computers.

Libre Office is an alternative to Open Office. “It’s fully compatible with Microsoft Office (365) and is backed by a non-profit organization, The Document Foundation. LibreOffice includes Writer (word processing), Calc (spreadsheets), Impress (presentations), Draw (vector graphics and flowcharts), Base (databases), and Math (formula editing).”

I’ve used the Writer and Calc modules and find them pretty similar to Word and Excel.

What about Microsoft’s Office? Disabling the included A.I. was a complex process a while ago but now there is a simple and straightforward “one click” method to turn on or off Microsoft’s A.I. named “Copilot” in the various Office apps.

Research Without A.I.

Research can be a very important part of writing your novel. It’s a topic for a future Words of Wisdom post but for today I wanted to include a link to this post by John Gilstrap which gives terrific advice on doing effective research while avoiding falling down endless rabbit holes.

Using A.I. for web searching and research is now popular with many people, including writers. But what if you want to avoid using A.I., because you are concerned about its tendency for making mistakes or even manufacturing results out of thin air? Furthermore, websites are being created by A.I. which can include false information.

I’ll start off by referencing my own (and first TKZ) post from 2022 which provided tips on using the online public library. Your local library or library system often subscribes to a number of databases which you can access online with your library card, databases assembled and curated by human experts. Needless to say, I see this as an excellent and robust alternative to using A.I. for researching a topic.

Also, as John noted in his 2021 post about “research hacks,” Wikipedia is a wonderful resource for research.

Now, when you want to avoid A.I. while searching the internet and are using the Google search engine, this article from Lifehacker provides several options. I tend to use the DuckDuckGo search engine, which has some robust privacy options, perfect for when you need to search for a murder method for your latest mystery or thriller. Turning off A.I. results in DuckDuckGo is straight-forward. It’s also worth noting that there is a full-fledged DuckDuckGo browser available for additional privacy protections.

If you wish to bypass all the AI-generated websites now out there, or want to find posts and articles quickly from a few years ago when using Google, here’s two tips:

First, choose the “Web” option from the list of Google options above the search box. This will automatically turn off the A.I. overview feature.

Second, at the end of your search query, add “Before:[DATE].” Example, “How to write a novel Before:2022.” Note the command “Before” followed by a colon and then the date (no space between the colon and the date).

***

I actually began writing this article a few weeks ago, unaware that two of my fellow TKZ authors would be blogging about A.I. just days before my own post. This goes to show how much A.I. is part of our current zeitgeist, and on so many of minds, including here at TKZ. It’s certainly a topic which many of us feel strongly about. That said, whether you use it or not is a personal choice. Today’s post was about providing some alternatives to three core aspects of fiction writing.

Do you have any additional tips, thoughts, or general advice on “going old-school” when it comes to brainstorming, writing, and/or researching a novel? Please share in comments.

AI and Romance?

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I know AI has been hashed and rehashed to death, but it seems the subject just won’t go away. On February 8, the NYT published an interview with Coral Hart (not her real name but a retired pseudonym and the name she uses to teach AI-assisted writing). Before she became an AI enthusiast, Hart published 10 – 12 books a year using 5 different pen names.

Last year with AI’s help and 21 different pen names, she self-published more than 200 books, ranging from sweet to hot to sizzling hot. She didn’t used AI just to research, but created the plot, characters, setting–the whole ball of wax with AI. According to the article that you can read here, none were  blockbusters but collectively sold 50,000 copies earning her a nice piece of change.

The article doesn’t say how long the books are, and it didn’t reveal her pen names which prevented me from hopping over to Amazon to read some of the sample chapters. It did say that she never revealed the books had been AI-generated because she didn’t want a bias against them.

It’s a free country so I don’t care that she created all the books using AI, but I do care that she didn’t reveal that fact to her readers. It was cheating. But even more disturbing, at least to me, is the article and others similar to it seem to treat her like she’s some guru who should be followed.

Of course not all responded favorably. Many romance authors responded that romance is all about emotions so how can a machine that has no heart or feelings write about such things?

It can’t. AI has no soul. It doesn’t sweat blood to get just the right emotion of someone who is dying inside because it doesn’t know what that emotion is. Hart even agrees that she has to diligently work on her prompts to get close to what she wants. I wonder what kind of writing she might do if she put that much effort into writing the emotion herself?

What scares me about this article is that there is already a glut of books out there and AI makes it so easy to put more out. But I have faith in readers and unlike Hart and many others, I believe readers will be able to tell the difference between an AI generated story and one that a flesh and blood author creates from the heart–a least at the present time. I’m not sure about the future.

What say you, TKZers?

 

It’s Time To Embrace Artificial Intelligence

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By John Gilstrap

I’m sure you’ve seen the ads popping up on social media. The 28-day course that will make you an expert on how to use AI to launch your productivity to new levels. I ignored them because as a creative, AI is supposed to be the bad guy, the thing we shall not use. In the end, I surrendered the $20 for the course.

Now I’m forking over twenty bucks a month for the paid version of ChatGPT. It didn’t take much convincing. Here’s my journey. Coming up on a book launch (Scorched Earth, February 24), I needed some fodder for social media posts. I never know what to say.

I logged into the basic, free version of ChatGPT and typed the question, “What makes Facebook posts effective when launching a new thriller novel?” Two seconds later, I got this:

Launching a thriller on Facebook is basically about triggering curiosity without giving the game away. The posts that work best tend to do a few specific things really well:

1. They tease a question, not a plot

Thriller readers love puzzles. Effective posts don’t summarize the book—they dangle a mystery.

  • “What would you do if the person you trusted most disappeared… and left your name behind?”

  • “Everyone in this town is lying. The question is: about what?”

If a post can be answered with “I need to know more,” you’re winning.

2. They spotlight stakes, not characters

Readers don’t yet care who your protagonist is—but they care deeply about what’s at risk.

  • Life or death

  • A secret getting out

  • A ticking clock

  • An innocent person paying the price

One clear, escalating threat beats three paragraphs of backstory every time.

3. They use short, punchy copy

Facebook is a scroll battlefield. Thriller posts that perform well usually have:

  • 1–3 tight sentences

  • White space

  • A line break before the hook or CTA

Think movie trailer voiceover, not book jacket prose.

4. They pair text with a mood image

You don’t need literal scenes. You want vibe:

  • A deserted road at night

  • A cracked mirror

  • A bloodless but unsettling detail (locked door, abandoned phone, empty swing)

Mood-first images stop the scroll better than character art.

5. They imply credibility or social proof

Especially important for new releases.

Examples:

  • “Early readers say this one kept them up past 2 a.m.”

  • “If you like Reacher, The Night Agent, or The Fugitive…”

  • “My darkest thriller yet.”

This reduces risk for the reader.

6. They invite low-friction engagement

Posts that ask for opinions outperform posts that ask for purchases.

  • “Which scares you more: being hunted or being framed?”

  • “Night reading or daylight only?”

  • “What’s the one line that makes you buy a thriller?”

Engagement boosts reach—and warms readers before the buy.

7. They rotate formats during launch week

Effective launches don’t repeat the same post. They mix:

  • Hook lines

  • Micro-excerpts (1–2 killer sentences)

  • Behind-the-scenes (“This idea came from a real case…”)

  • Countdown posts

  • Reader reactions

Variation keeps the algorithm—and your audience—interested.

8. They end with a clean, obvious CTA

No cleverness here. Be clear.

  • “Now available on Amazon”

  • “Kindle + paperback out today”

  • “Link in comments”

Confusion kills conversions.

If you want, tell me:

  • your subgenre (political, military, serial killer, tech, etc.)

  • whether this is Book 1 or a standalone

  • your target comps

…and I’ll write 5–7 Facebook launch posts tailored specifically to your thriller.

Yeah, all of that in a few seconds. Intrigued, I typed, “Scorched Earth is the 17th book in the award-winning Jonathan Grave political thriller series. Summary: Vengeance, murder, and violent political games are on a collision course in a propulsive Jonathan Grave thriller by New York Times bestselling author John Gilstrap. Disgraced U.S. President Darmond has been ousted from office, but his minions have taken aim at everyone they perceive to be enemies. Off-the-record contractors on a secret list are being eliminated, one by one. Jonathan Grave and his Security Solutions team manage to turn the tables when the assassins come for them. But the ultimate attack will strike deep at the heart of what’s best about American values.”

Most of that comes from cutting and pasting the description off Amazon. Two seconds later (and I’m serious about the two seconds), this appeared:

Nice—this has serious launch-post fuel. Since this is Book 17, award-winning, and political thriller readers already know the Jonathan Grave world, the posts should lean hard into stakes, legacy, and national consequences, not introductions.

Here are 7 high-impact Facebook launch posts, each with a different angle so you can rotate them across launch week.

Post 1: The Hook (Pure Thriller Tease)

Vengeance has a list.
And Jonathan Grave’s name is on it.

When a disgraced president’s allies decide to erase their enemies, the killing starts quietly… and escalates fast.

SCORCHED EARTH is out now.

Post 2: Stakes Over Story

They aren’t after money.
They aren’t after power.

They’re after revenge—and they’re willing to burn the country to get it.

Jonathan Grave faces the most dangerous enemy he’s ever fought in SCORCHED EARTH.

Post 3: Series Credibility / Social Proof

Seventeen books in—and the threats have never been bigger.

If you’ve followed Jonathan Grave from the beginning, SCORCHED EARTH takes the fight straight to the heart of American ideals.

If you’re new? Buckle up.

Post 4: Villain-Focused (Political Edge)

A president may be gone.
But his loyalists are still pulling triggers.

Off-the-books contractors are dying.
Secrets are being erased.
And the endgame is anything but subtle.

SCORCHED EARTH—available now.

Post 5: Ticking Clock

They’re killing names on a secret list.
One by one.
No witnesses. No mercy.

Jonathan Grave and his team turn the tables—but stopping the assassins may not be enough.

Because the real attack is still coming.

Post 6: Reader Identity Post (Engagement-Friendly)

Thriller readers:
Do you prefer a villain driven by power, or one driven by revenge?

If your answer is revenge, SCORCHED EARTH was written for you.

Post 7: Clean Launch CTA

The rules are gone.
The gloves are off.
And the fallout will be devastating.

SCORCHED EARTH
Book 17 in the Jonathan Grave series
Now available in Kindle and paperback.

Pro tip for Facebook performance

  • Put the purchase link in the first comment, not the post

  • Pair these with dark, symbolic images (burned paper, shadows, empty corridors, flags in distress—not literal violence)

  • Pin either Post 1 or Post 7 to your page during launch week

If you want, I can:

  • tighten these to Amazon-ad length

  • write a Book 17 “jump-in” post specifically for new readers

  • or craft a controversy-safe political hook that pushes harder without tripping moderation

Just tell me which direction you want to lean.

I started a dialogue with my machine, and together, we put together a plan. But it didn’t stop there. I decided to play with images. A pivotal scene in the novel involves an airborne attack on a campground where children are celebrating the annual “Planetariat.” Don’t worry about the name, just stick with me.

I wrote, “Create a photorealistic image suggesting that violence is coming to a Camporee.” This one took closer to 10 seconds, and this is what I got:

Disclosure: The first iteration was Boy Scout centric. The final version is the result of edits like, “Change Camporee to Planetariat.”

Addicted now, I wanted more. I wrote, “Create story-related captions for this image.” Boom:

Here are story-related caption options for an image titled “Mysterious campsite at twilight”, all tuned to Scorched Earth–style tension. I’ve grouped them by vibe so you can pick what fits the post or rotate them.

Quiet Dread

  • Twilight is when secrets stop hiding.

  • By morning, this place won’t be what it was.

  • Nothing looks dangerous… until it is.

Ominous / Foreboding

  • The calm before escalation always looks like this.

  • Every tent holds a name. Every name is on a list.

  • This is where the plan starts to unfold.

Minimalist / Scroll-Stopping

  • They thought they were safe.

  • Safe ground is a myth.

  • Night falls. Consequences follow.

Political-Thriller Edge

  • Revenge doesn’t care who’s camping nearby.

  • When ideology turns violent, innocence becomes collateral.

  • The fight doesn’t stay in Washington.

Jonathan Grave–Flavored

  • Jonathan Grave knew this silence wouldn’t last.

  • He’d seen places like this before.
    They never stayed quiet.

  • The mission always starts after sundown.

All of the above (and much, much more) ate up less than an hour of my day.

I’m hooked, folks. Have y’all played with AI yet?

Click the link if you’re interested in listening in as Jonathan and Boxers discuss Scorched Earth. Spoiler: Big Guy is not happy with me.

An Ode To A Good Editor

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By PJ Parrish

I got into this novel racket back in 1979 as a writer of mainstream women’s fiction. (That was the euphemism of the era for big fat books about sex, power and dysfunctional families.) I retired from fulltime novel writing a couple years ago. (I had a great run and was time…no regrets). So over a span of oh, 40 years, I’ve had a lot of editors.

The good, the bad, and the ugly. And one, painfully indifferent. (We showed up at a major book fair and she didn’t know who we were).

I forgot who told me this early in my career — might have been one of my agents — but she said, “Your editor is not your friend.”  And that is true. Now, some writers are lucky to have deep and long-lasting friendships with their editors. But I never expected that. All I wanted was an editor who made my books better, an editor who made me better. An editor who believed in my work.

First, a definition. There are copy editors. Then there are line editors, Both are essential to your success.

I’ve had some amazing copy editors — the pickiest, sharpest-eyed, obsessive, anal-grammarians an author could ever wish for. They caught my misspellings, my lay-lie transgressions, my syntax sins. My last one, at Thomas & Mercer, was an ex ballet dancer who caught some errors that even this old dance critic missed.

My favorite copy editor was one I had for my British edition romance. I never knew his/her name but I pictured her as a spinster sitting in a ratty wingback by the fire in some Devonshire outpost surrounded by cats and towers of manuscripts. She dripped blood-red pencil all over my pages. At one point, she scribbled in the margins next to my French phrases: “I don’t believe, based on the English errors uncovered thus far in this novel, that we should trust the author’s ability to write in another language.” She also took me to task for my “crutches” — “This author has an unfortunate propensity to use “stare” and “padded” (e.g. he padded toward the door). Would suggest striking every reference.”

I hated that woman. I loved that woman.

Every author has horror stories about bad editing. I had a copy editor who changed the color of key lime pie to green. Being in Manhattan, I guess she never saw a key lime — which is yellow. I was the one who had to answer the boy-are-you-dumb emails from fellow Floridians. And then there is the infamous Patricia Cornwell gaffe — the cover flap that talked about a grizzly murder — which set off a whole new sub-genre, serial killer bears.

When you spend eight months to a year writing a book, you get so close to it sometimes you can’t see the forest through the faux pas. You’re so intent on plot and character, you forget you’ve changed a character’s name halfway through. Or that it’s MackiNAW City but MackiNAC Island. Or that loons don’t stick around Michigan in winter…they migrate. One year I got so paranoid I hired a free lance copy editor. She caught so many mistakes it made me even more paranoid about what still lay (lie? lain?) beneath.

Which brings me to why I am talking about editors here today, when I don’t even deal with them anymore.

When I made the switch from romance to mysteries, my first book Dark of the Moon, was acquired by Kensington Books. Kensington is an independent, Manhattan-based family-owned publishing house. The editor who took me on was John Scognamiglio.

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This year, John is being awarded the Mystery Writers of America Ellery Queen Award at the Edgar banquet. It is awarded to “outstanding writing teams and outstanding people in the mystery-publishing industry.”

It couldn’t happen to a nicer guy. Or a finer editor.

Now, all the folks at Kensington were grand to work with. When Kelly and I went to visit the Kensington offices, the Zacharius clan (the owners) treated us to a fabulous lunch. They got us blurbs and reviews and gave us a fabulous launch. The chairman of the board Walter Zacharius wrote a publicity letter praising our freshman book that began:

“I can count on the fingers of one hand those books which got me so excited that I couldn’t wait to urge all my friends and colleagues to read them right away. This means that Dark of the Moon is in select company.”

Then there was John.

He helped shape that debut book and all the others that followed. He was a line editor extraordinaire. In person, he’s quiet, taciturn. But on those revision letters that came, he was strong of voice, precise, and always spot-on with his criticisms. For our second book, Dead of Winter, his sharp eye helped us figure out a better ending with a great twist. The book got an Edgar nomination. And I’ll never forget his terse note on book three Paint It Black: “It’s too short.” He then proceded to help us find ways to beef up the plot and deepen the villain’s MO. The book made it to the New York Times list.

Maybe his best quality was that he believed in us, even when we didn’t believe in ourselves. He made us feel confident. He always made our books better.

I wish I had kept some of his revision letters to us. They would have been fun, and instructive, to share with you, especially those of you who don’t have a great editor standing behind you. The best I have is this old photo of Kelly and me standing in front of headquarters the day the clan took us to lunch in 1998. (I had two bellinis!)

So here’s great editors. I so hope they are still out there amidst all the sturm und drang in publishing today. And to John, a very belated but heartfelt thanks. I’ll buy you a bellini when I see you.

 

What Writers Can Learn from Hugh Hefner

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Regardless of your views on Playboy magazine or its brand, Hugh Hefner was a trailblazer, an inspirational creator who wasn’t afraid of shattering societal norms. Writers can learn a lot from him.

Hefner didn’t only compete with existing magazines like Esquire or GQ — he created a new market by combining intellectual, serious journalism with adult entertainment. He created the magazine he wanted to read.

Lesson: Rather than follow trends, bring your vision to life. Write the book you want to read.

Despite being known for nude photographs, Playboy was a major platform for literary giants like Ray Bradbury, Kurt Vonnegut, and Margaret Atwood.  

Lesson: Quality writing attracts a loyal, discerning audience. It also elevates the book, series, and your entire portfolio of publications.

Hefner was the audience for his own magazine. As a “child of popular culture,” he lived his brand (the robe, the mansion, the Playboy bunnies and playmates), making his persona integral to his success.

Lesson: When the writer is the brand, it builds deep audience connection and loyalty.

Hefner leveraged Playboy to fight censorship, obscenity laws, segregation, and many other injustices. During the times of segregation, Hefner invited Aretha Franklin, Sammy Davis, Jr., Ray Charles, Miles Davis, and Stevie Wonder to perform at his Playboy Club. One stipulation: Walk through the front door like everyone else. Most business owners made Black entertainers enter through the kitchen or back exit.

The mere mention of mixing races became such a controversy, the South threatened to ban Playboy from all newsstands if Hefner followed through with his plan. Nearly 80% of sales came from southern regions at that time, but the aforementioned entertainers were also Hefner’s close friends. Which put him in an impossible position.

Do you put profits above friendship? Most business owners did. As someone who opposed segregation and other injustices of the times, Hefner could not. So, he ignored the threat. Once he made the decision to stand up to “The Man,” he doubled down and invited all entertainers, regardless of skin color, to enjoy the club before and after their performances —  for the first time, Whites and Blacks socialized in public.

The South followed through with the ban, costing Hefner a hefty loss in revenue. Didn’t matter. He stood firm in his beliefs. Segregation was a barbaric act, and Hefner refused to fall in line.

This is just one example of a creator trusting in themselves enough to bet others felt the same.

Lesson: Stay true to your beliefs and values, even if they’re not the popular opinion. Please don’t misread that advice. I am not suggesting you should commit career suicide by screaming on social media about hot-button issues. Let readers learn who you are through the style, theme(s), voice, and tone of your books. No one needs or wants to be slammed over the head with your personal opinions.

Behind the partying playboy image, Hefner was a relentless workaholic who often slept at his office. Later, he moved his workspace into his bedroom, often working from his oversized circular, rotating bed.

Lesson: Success in competitive media requires dedication, a strong work ethic, and a never-say-die spirit.

Hefner often cited his restrictive, “Midwestern Puritan” upbringing as the catalyst for his liberating and revolutionary content. Though men enjoyed the visual stimulation, they also enjoyed the articles. Probably still do.

Lesson: Use your background and life experience — negative and positive — as fuel for your unique, compelling, emotion-infused writing.

Hugh Hefner scratched and crawled his way to the top.

He fought for free speech.

He fought for free choice.

He fought haters, religious groups, and feminists, who all vowed to take him down.

He fought the State of Illinois and the courts.

Hefner trusted his vision for a better, more inclusive and less sexually repressed tomorrow.

Through the years, he started multiple companies — all built around the Playboy brand.

Lesson: When people trust a brand, they’ll follow its creator anywhere if the new company or product delivers the same quality and standards. Readers fall in love with a writer’s voice and style. Stay true to your brand and you can write whatever you want, without the need for an alias. Step outside your brand, and you may encounter difficulties.

For example, a cozy mystery writer probably shouldn’t venture into smut and expect their audience to stick around. Some may stay. Most will not. Why? Because the writer veered too far off-brand.

Could a thriller author write narrative nonfiction or memoir? Absolutely. Could they sell a children’s series to their existing audience? Sure, if it aligns with their brand.

Allow me to use myself as the example. My environmental thrillers focus on wildlife conservation (Oh, how I love to kill poachers! 😉 ). The children’s book series I’m working on has the same focus, only geared toward young conservationists of the future — the children or grandchildren of my existing audience.

I’ve also written psychological thrillers/serial killer thrillers, mystery, and true crime. By the time I ventured into environmental thrillers (aka eco-thrillers), the new genre didn’t surprise my readers. No matter how grisly some of storylines are, my love of animals shines through my work. All the pets are fully fleshed characters that readers adore. The genre switch (in the middle of the series, no less) still delivers the type of books readers expect from me.

Staying true to audience expectations is also how Hefner expanded his brand worldwide.

Write the book you want to read.

Write the book that’ll resonate with your target audience.

Be genuine.

Dig deep into your well of emotional truth and touch lives.

Build, and keep building, a brand you’re proud of.

Be the Hugh Hefner of your generation.

How Not to Write Your Novel

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by James Scott Bell
@jamesscottbell

There are a lot of ways not to do something. Like the new boat owner some years ago who was filling up his pleasure craft with fuel for that first time out. Only he mistook the tube that is meant to hold fishing poles for the gas tank. After completing his work he started up the engine.

The gas fumes ignited and blew the boat owner into the sky. He came down in the drink and was rescued, but the boat was a goner.

You can be just as creative in finding ways not to write your novel. With a little thought and not much effort, you can easily devise methods to prevent you from actually finishing your book. Or finishing a book that has a chance to sell.

So if not finishing or not selling are your goals, I’m here to help you with the following three tips:

Wait for Inspiration

Go to your favorite writing spot with your laptop or pad. Perhaps it’s a Starbucks, maybe a library, or it could be your own kitchen table. Sit down with a cup of coffee and hold it in two hands. Sip it slowly. Do not put your fingers anywhere near the keyboard.

Glance outside a window if one is available. Wait for a flock of geese to fly by in V formation.

If you’re in public and no window is available, simply observe the other patrons and make sure they can see your expression of other-worldly concentration.

You are waiting for inspiration. It must come to from on high and fill you like fire. Until then, do not write a word. If you’re tempted to start working, open up Candy Crush immediately. Tell yourself this will relax the mind so inspiration can pour in. Or allow yourself “just a minute or two” of scrolling. After half-an-hour congratulate yourself on not writing.

If you absolutely feel you must type a few sentences, take 15-20 minutes to do so,  then sit back and tell yourself they’re not good enough. Repeat the above pattern.

If you spend three or four hours in this fashion, it will be time well spent in not writing your novel.

Of course, those who think it wise to finish their novel do things backwards. They don’t wait for inspiration. They go after it, as Jack London said, “with a club.” They follow the advice of Peter DeVries, who said, “I only write when I’m inspired, and I make sure I’m inspired every morning at 9 a.m.”

These poor souls think the secret to writing a novel is to write, and work through minor problems quickly and major ones after the first draft is done.

They do things like this:

Establish a writing quota. A quota based not on how much time they spend thinking about writing, but how many words they get down. Some do a daily quota, others do it by the week. But they figure out what they can comfortably get done and set a quota about 10% above that as a goal to shoot for.

Review the previous day’s writing and then move on. By looking at what they wrote the day before, they get back into the flow of their story. They fix little things, spelling and style mostly, but then get on with the day’s current work.

And then they look up one day and see a finished manuscript. They have lost sight of how not to write a novel.

Look Over Your Shoulder

It was a great pitcher Satchel Paige who said, “Don’t look back, something may be gaining on you.”

It’s good life advice, but in order to not write your novel, you must ignore it.

To not write your novel, constantly worry about how bad your book might turn out to be. Pause every thousand words or so and think, This is about the worst piece of crud known to man. Where did I put the bourbon?

This is sometimes known as the “inner critic,” and he is your best friend for not writing a novel.

If you think about those doubts long enough, you can even develop them into fears. Jack Bickham, a novelist who was even better known for his books on the craft, put it this way:

All of us are scared: of looking dumb, of running out of ideas, of never selling our copy, of not getting noticed. We fiction writers make a business of being scared, and not just of looking dumb. Some of these fears may never go away, and we may just have to learn to live with them.

Of course, some writers learn not only to live with doubt and fear, but defeat them. How do they do that? Mostly they simply pound away at the keyboard. They concentrate on the words in front of them and kick that inner critic to the curb. They train themselves to do this via writing exercises, such as:

The Five Minute Non-Stop. Write for five minutes, first thing in the morning if possible, without stopping to think about what you’re writing. No correcting. Just write.

The Page Long Sentence. Choose something to describe (a room or a character) and write a page-long sentence about it, not pausing to edit and going on whatever tangents present themselves.

The List Maker. Whenever you’re stuck for an idea to pursue, make a list. Brainstorm ideas without assessing them. Get lots of ideas, then pick the best one.

Writers who have dulled the inner critic don’t worry about getting the words right. They get the words written.

They really have not got this not writing a novel thing down at all.

Quit

If all else succeeds and you still are intent on not finishing your novel, or finishing one that has a chance to sell, you have a surefire fallback position: stop writing.

David Eddings said, “Keep working. Keep trying. Keep believing. You still might not make it, but at least you gave it your best shot. If you don’t have calluses on your soul, this isn’t for you. Take up knitting instead.”

I hope this has been helpful. Now get out there and don’t write your book!

When You’re Not Writing

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Last night I spoke to a book club in a very exclusive Dallas neighborhood.

I arrived early, because that’s the way I am. Half an hour early is almost late.

The host lived in a stunning midcentury house nestled under spreading live oaks. Since I had a tiny bit of time, I drove around the neighborhood, enjoying the architecture from a time period I loved.

In college, I pursued a degree in residential architecture before deciding that leaning over a drafting board for the rest of my life wasn’t my idea of a career. However, I had a grand old time arguing with my professor over house styles. This was 1972, and he insisted on one style of home, those new boxes everyone is remodeling now days, while I insisted on Frank Lloyd Wright style homes with huge windows and lots of open space.

By the end of the year, he promised not to fail me if I promised not to take the second half of his course. Maybe that’s the real reason I bailed on architecture.

College was a problem in many ways, not because the drinking age was eighteen, but because I had to drop out of several career opportunities such as paleontology, and geology. Being colorblind was a serious problem.

But anyway, there I was later that evening, standing in front of the fireplace in this glorious house, surrounded by more than sixty folks my age. I love talking with readers who understand what a typewriter is, or who remember the days of carbon paper, Whiteout, the Dewey Decimal System, card catalogues, and the U.S. Postal service.

That last subject comes up in our discussion of the old days when would-be authors mailed query letters and manuscripts, along with postage, or self-addressed stamped envelopes for publishing houses or editors to send the materials back, or to send back rejection notices.

I’ve probably talked with hundreds of book clubs ,organizations, or attendees at book signings about books and writing, and weave humor throughout these presentations, along with history, industry information, and the craft of writing. Panels and book signings require the same attention to audience needs.

Having done these so many times, I’ve developed a sense of timing, allowing for laughs, surprise, and for people to take a moment to realize what I’m talking about. The slow-burning fuse until they get my point. This group of folks my age was the most attentive I’ve ever encountered, reminding me of kindergartners watching a magician.

In that grand old house, my audience sat there like mannequins, some offering vague smiles, but little else. In my mind, I was falling flat. Reading the room, I changed directions on the fly, discussing how our industry has eliminated mass market paperbacks, the shrinking of shelf space, and the number of books published each month, resulting a firehose of reading opportunities for customers.

The crickets outside applauded with their chirps. I wrapped up, and opened the floor for questions or points of discussion.

A couple of people bestirred themselves.

A hand went up. “Do you outline?”

AHA! Now I knew what they wanted, and launched into my own writing process. Finished, I offered the floor for more questions and comments.

Crickets again.

A tentative hand went up. “Can you discuss how much research it takes to produce a book like Comancheria?”

That’s why I was there, and during my presentation spent a considerable amount of time discussing plot, characters, and the source of this first book in the Hollow Frontier series. The question was a breath of fresh air, and I explained my love of history, reading, and how I absorbed volumes of history before writing my books.

Our hostess finally stood at the exact time she’d previously told me the meeting would end. “Let’s thank Mister Wortham for his time and books.”

The room rose in a standing ovation. Stunned by their response, I stepped aside as the hostess finished some organization duties and the meeting was over. For the next fifteen minutes, I shook hands and accepted gracious comments thanking me for a “wonderful presentation,” and “exceptional discussion on the craft of writing and publishing,” and “for keeping us completely entertained throughout the evening.”

On the way home, I realized this group of retirees exhibited the behavior drilled into Baby Boomers way back in elementary school. Our teachers back then hammered us with “pay attention” and “be polite while the speaker has the floor.”

Tentative or inexperienced authors might have stumbled or trailed off early in their talk, but I’d seen this before. It’s all part of being a speaker, and entertainer.

The next time might be a boisterous crowd, like a wine-tasting book club I spoke to in East Texas. They were the rowdiest group I’d ever seen, and I could have read the phone book to their great enthusiasm.

The wine helped.

Other groups offer polite applause as I sit down, but then book sales might be more than anyone would have anticipated.

It’s all part of the package. Write. Publish. Promote. Speak…speak…speak.

Good luck with that.

Finding the Right Words

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By Elaine Viets

Like most writers, I love words. I like to read about them, learn new ones, find old ones. I enjoy puns and wordplay. Naturally, I depend on my dictionaries. But did you know these websites are crammed with extra information?

These days, dictionaries are much more than spelling and definitions.

Here are two of my favorite online sites.

Merriam-Webster dictionary. https://www.merriam-webster.com/

This site usually has a topical essay about words.

After the untimely death of Catherine O’Hara, who left her mark on movies such as  Home Alone and TV’s Schitt’s Creek, Merriam-Webster had an essay on 16 words from Schitt’s Creek. The Canadian sitcom is about “the Roses, a rich family that loses its wealth and must temporarily move into a motel in a small town with the cheeky name of Schitt’s Creek,” Webster said. “By metrics of awards and international viewership, Schitt’s Creek became Canada’s most successful television series. Among the series’ memorable characters is Moira Rose, played by the late Catherine O’Hara, whose diction is, shall we say, a bit eccentric.”

One of the best words Moira used is bombilate, which means, “to buzz or drone.”

“The room is suddenly bombilating with anticipation,” Moira said.

Too bad her wonky usage of bombilate isn’t popular enough to make Webster’s. Other Moira words include Balaton, confabulate and dangersome.

I have problems sorting out affect and effect. I can’t keep those words straight. Or is it strait? Webster has this helpful article: “Affect vs. Effect and how to pick the right one.”

“The basic difference is this: affect is usually a verb, and effect is usually a noun,” Webster said. Much more useful than what my teachers told me: “An affect has an effect.” Huh?

Webster delves into the proper use of em-dashes, en-dashes and hyphens and has a list of top word look-ups. Here’s one: Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg.  That’s a lake, and it’s in the US, not Wales. The lake has the longest place name in our country. There are various stories about the name’s origin, but one says the name is Native American and commemorates an 18th-century fishing treaty. It’s jokingly translated as: “You fish on your side, I fish on my side, and nobody fishes in the middle.” The lake is in Webster, Mass., and many just call it Lake Webster.

Webster (the dictionary) has a helpful section on slang and trending words.

Know what a fridge cigarette is? “A cold, refreshing and addictive soft drink.” Gruzz is an older person. (I hope that one doesn’t catch on.) An almond mom is “a mother who pushes her daughter to be skinny, through diet.” Note that the term refers to daughters, not sons, enforcing expectations that women have to be thin. Bed rotting mean staying in bed all day. Zaddy is an attractive older man. There are more, lots more slang words Webster is watching. They’re fun to explore.

Webster also features words with tricky pronunciations, including ragout.  Don’t embarrass yourself by calling that meaty stew rag-out. It’s ra-GOO.

Oxford English Dictionary. Oxford English Dictionary

My publisher, Severn House in London, uses the Oxford English Dictionary, or OED. It’s a little more staid that its American cousin, Merriam-Webster, but I love the research for its Word Stories.

Here’s part of the story of glamor. Excuse me, glamour.

“The schoolroom, verb tables, and Latin class seem about as far removed from our current notion of glamour as it’s possible to get,” the OED said. But grammar and glamour  “were originally the same word.”

Dull, dusty grammar “first came into English from French with the meaning ‘learning or scholarship concerning a language’, and particularly, ‘a book which contains this knowledge’. The word soon extended to the principles of any kind of learning, and to books setting out such principles.”

Grammar took a turn into the occult, and words related to grammar began to refer to “knowledge of or expertise in magic and astrology, or to manuals for invoking demons and performing general sorcery.” These words included “gramarye and grimoire . . . and, finally, glamour.”

“Since glamour entered the language it’s taken on quite the life of its own.” It’s given us “glamour puss, (a glamorous or attractive person), glamazon, (a tall, glamorous, and powerful woman), and glampsite, (a campsite for glamping – the more luxurious way to camp).”

You can subscribe to the OED, but if you can’t afford a hundred bucks, you can still look up words for free, and enjoy word lists, world English, and the history of English.

Wordsmith Tom Stoppard wrote, “I don’t think writers are sacred, but words are. They deserve respect. If you get the right ones in the right order, you might nudge the world a little or make a poem that children will speak for you when you are dead.”

International sale: Two Dead-End Job mysteries, “Dying to Call You” and “Pumped for Murder” are $1.99 today at bookshop.org, Barnes & Noble, Google, Kobo, Apple and Amazon in the US and Great Britain.