Manuscript Surgery Revisited

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Manuscript Surgery Revisited
Terry Odell

I hit “The End” on the current WIP, which is really “The Beginning.” Because I’m on deadline now, I’m revisiting a post that appeared several years ago.

I think in surgical terms when I tackle my draft. First, the major medical. The current manuscript came in longer than I wanted. Although I firmly believe that a story should be as long as it needs to be, the operative word is needs, and I check to make sure that every scene pulls its weight and advances the story. I confess that as a non-plotter, I often find things that never got followed up on, or were just fun scenes to write. If they don’t connect to the overall story, they get cut.

  • Purely practical note. At Amazon, there’s a “delivery fee” for ebooks based on file size. Longer books, bigger cut for them. Example: for my three-book box sets, they slice from 25 to 27 cents per book. They take about a dime from my “normal” length books. For those who go wide, B&N, Kobo, and Smashwords don’t have these fees. D2D keeps about 10% regardless of book length.
  • In print, the cost to produce the book via KDP is based on page count. More pages, bigger cut. I don’t sell enough print books to check out the other distributors, so I can’t speak for them.
  • For the indie author: Editors often charge by the hour or by the word. Cutting excess can save you money.
  • If you’re going to produce the book in audio and pay a narrator, the longer the book, the greater the cost.

These, to me, justify excising ugly fat. If you want more advice from the real experts, check this out.

Back to cutting plot threads. Should be easy, right? Patient has appendicitis, you cut out the appendix. In the manuscript, you find the threads that don’t need to be there and remove them. My characters often meet at a neighborhood dog park. I’d originally included two scenes where they met new people and their dogs there, thinking it might be strange to have them be the only two there. One of those new people might have been involved in shady dealings that affected my characters. The other did nothing more than show the dogs playing. The shady dealings never transpired, so I cut both of scenes. Easier to pop in a line about how the dog park was usually empty at the time my characters were there.

Threads don’t exist in nice, tidy packages. There will be places where you’ve foreshadowed, places where you’ve followed up, and places where you’ve made a reference, almost in passing, to something that happened or a character who appeared in that now defunct thread. Like the time my character apologized for being late because of a flat tire and explained how he had to get it repaired due to a nail. At the time, it foreshadowed a bad guy tampering with his car, but that never happened. I cut that paragraph. But a page later, he was thinking that the flat had put him behind schedule. Had to get rid of that, too.

A tip: Watch your transitions. It’s more than likely the scene before the one you cut led into it. That will have to be adjusted. Likewise the one after it. If you ended the scene with a page-turning cliff hanger, that cliffhanger now sends readers into an abyss with no bottom.

If you want the patient to recover, you have to make sure nothing’s left behind when you close him up.

Deleting a paragraph can create a dominoes effect. Watch what happens right before and after, and smooth out the edges. Critique partners, beta readers, and editors are helpful here, because they haven’t read the manuscript seventy-eleven times.

Moving on to the microsurgery.

Words that don’t add anything to the story need to go. They might even add distance, keeping a layer you don’t want between your readers and the characters. Or, there might be awkward bits.

I’ve talked about using SmartEdit before. It’s great for finding those pesky adverbs, repeated words and phrases, and another source of extra words: redundancies.

As with any automated program, you have to review every “suggestion” it makes. These programs don’t write genre fiction. SmartEdit suggests possible redundancies. I’ve run chapters and scenes through Grammarly as well, and find the same problem. Many of their suggestions don’t apply in context. However, they deserve a second look. Fortunately both programs show you where each “offense” occurs, so you can move through the manuscript quickly. Some examples of my overused phrases:

  • Outside of
  • Whether or not
  • Ask a question
  • Advance warning
  • Off of
  • Open up
  • Shut down
  • Temper tantrum
  • Major breakthrough
  • Basic essentials
  • Stand up
  • Fall down
  • Advance notice
  • Burning embers
  • Shrug a shoulder

I remember my high school Latin teacher complaining about advertising wording. “From its earliest beginnings to its final completion.” Or “Free gift.” He also said “up” is an overused word. I’ll never forget class clown Leon saying, “So what’s the bank robber supposed to say? This is a stick?”

Then there are the clunkers. Sometimes the eye catches them, but having Word (or your program of choice) read the book aloud to you will help you find them.

Listening calls attention to repeated words. Plus, you can hear words that aren’t really repeats, but echoes, such as this passage I discovered:

His mouth dropped. “You’re saying you’re going to wash my clothes?”
She sighed. “Apparently.”
It took several heartbeats for his mouth to close….

Did you spot the ‘clunker’? If not, read it out loud.

OK, TKZers: What are your tips for performing surgery on your manuscript?

Find me at Substack with Writings and Wanderings

Deadly Ambitions
Peace in Mapleton doesn’t last. Police Chief Gordon Hepler is already juggling a bitter ex-mayoral candidate who refuses to accept election results and a new council member determined to cut police department’s funding.
Meanwhile, Angie’s long-delayed diner remodel uncovers an old journal, sparking her curiosity about the girl who wrote it. But as she digs for answers, is she uncovering more than she bargained for?
Now, Gordon must untangle political maneuvering, personal grudges, and hidden agendas before danger closes in on the people he loves most.
Deadly Ambitions delivers small-town intrigue, political tension, and page-turning suspense rooted in both history and today’s ambitions.

Terry Odell is an award-winning author of Mystery and Romantic Suspense, although she prefers to think of them all as “Mysteries with Relationships.”

Farmers Market Fun and a Memorable Connection

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by Debbie Burke

Whitefish park and historic train station before Farmers Market

Every Tuesday afternoon in summer, the park across the street from the historic Whitefish (Montana) train station becomes a hive of activity as the weekly Farmers Market sets up. The tree-shaded grass park occupies an entire city block in the resort town. The perimeter fills quickly with food trucks and vendors setting up stalls to sell produce, artwork, handcrafted goods, and…books by local authors.

Shayla Paradeis, the energetic new president of the Authors of the Flathead, came up with the terrific fresh idea of connecting with the community via a stand at the Farmers Market. We introduce people interested in writing to our weekly meetings and invite them to the annual conference. Plus, we members can showcase our books for sale.

The past few Tuesdays, Shayla, Sue Purvis, and I display our books for hundreds of tourists and locals who stroll by, munching on corn dogs, huckleberry pastries, and Flathead cherries. Kids run around playing games and petting friendly dogs while a local musician sings classic rock hits. The atmosphere is carefree and cheerful despite a light haze of wildfire smoke that turns the sun orange.

We chat with visitors from around the US along with other countries. Thanks to Zoom, our meetings are open to interested writers from anywhere in the world.

You quickly learn to spot avid readers. They stop on the grassy walkway to stare at our book displays. Sometimes they hang back for a moment, scanning. Their gaze may home in on Shayla’s eco-spiritual journey of walking across the country five times; or Sue’s memoir of training a search dog to find the lost and herself; or my mystery-thriller series set in Montana. Then they beeline to a certain book, pick it up, and start asking questions.

Their reactions show how important a good eye-catching cover is. 

This past Tuesday, we hit the trifecta with one delightful family of enthusiastic readers who bought books from all three of us.

Tourists often want souvenirs of their Montana vacation and books are a good memento to read on the plane. Travelers without extra room in their suitcases picked up bookmarks, saying they’d buy the ebook instead.

A pleasant surprise: we enjoyed conversations with several pre-teen boys and their parents. That demographic isn’t known for being big readers, but these young guys talked with animation about stories, videos, and games they found exciting and interesting. One seemed especially interested in my thriller, Instrument of the Devil, about a terrorist who targets the electric grid. About a half hour later, his dad returned alone and bought the book as a surprise for his son. Sweet!

The highlight of the evening came from two girls, about 10 or 11, who are best friends and share a love of books. Accompanied by one girl’s parents, they stopped and talked with me for quite a while. I asked them what they liked to read. The dark-haired one said, “True crime!” She’d just finished a bio of Lizzie Borden and didn’t believe Lizzie was the killer. Wow!

When I was that age, I found children’s stories boring and always hung out in the adult  section of the library. These young readers were kindred souls.

We talked about crime stories in general. The blond one asked what my books were about and showed interest in Deep Fake Double Down, where the villain uses deep fake video to create false evidence against an innocent woman. They thanked me for talking with them, wandered down the aisles, but returned several times to ask more questions.

Finally, the blond came back by herself and wanted to buy Deep Fake Double Down. I asked her if she’d like me to sign it. She practically wiggled with excitement and told me her name is “Paige.”

I’m always surprised but humbled and honored when people react as though my signature is a big deal.

Then Paige paid and additionally handed me a one-dollar bill. She said, “This is a tip.”

I about busted out crying.

Through the lump in my throat, I told her that wasn’t necessary, but she insisted.

If I never sell another book, that experience is payment enough. Thank you, Paige.

Reading and writing are all about connections between people. Nothing can match a face-to-face, heart-to-heart relationship between an author and a reader.

Will I be back to meet more readers at the Whitefish Farmers Market next Tuesday?

You betcha.

Revisited: Running and Writing and Competition

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Kay will return next month, so for today, we’re revisiting an insightful post by her from three years ago, dealing with an issue so many of us face.

Running and Writing and Competition

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If you want to compete with somebody, run a race.

If you want to change the world, write a book.

* * *

Last week PJ Parrish wrote a TKZ post on Performance Anxiety. I’d like to follow up with a corollary on competition.

Competition is good, right? It gives us a chance to test our mettle against others and see how we stack up. Whatever field we’re in, competition is an opportunity to identify weaknesses in our performance and make a plan to improve. It may even lift us into that rarified atmosphere of winning the prize and basking in the glory.

When thinking about competition, sports always comes to mind. Personally, I believe foot races, specifically the 400-meter races, are the epitome of competition.

The 400-meter race is the longest track event run completely in lanes, so there’s no pushing or shoving. Each competitor runs her own race in her own lane. It’s once around the track, and the winner is easy to identify. She’s not necessarily the person with the best form or the coolest sports gear or even the newest model of Nikes. The winner is the person who crosses the finish line first.

This is obviously an objective decision. The other runners can’t say, “I’m a better runner than she is. I should get the gold medal.” Or “She won just because her coach is famous.” A runner wins a race because she is the fastest competitor in that particular race, and there’s camaraderie and respect among runners no matter where they place.

* * * 

On the other hand, competition can have a dark side. I’ve read recently that writers are a competitive bunch. That’s not surprising, seeing that we’re publishing books that are in competition with millions of other works, and the desire to excel in the field is strong. Writers want to know how they’re doing in the big publishing picture, so we compare ourselves with others, and sometimes it doesn’t go so well.

You’re toiling away to market your self-published masterpiece, which has seen slow sales and mediocre reviews, when you get word your good friend just secured a lucrative publishing contract for his first book. And then another friend posts to every social media site in the world about the big award she just won. That was the contest you entered and didn’t even make the finals! All of a sudden, feelings of competition turn to jealousy and envy.

But you’re a nice person, right? These writers are your friends, and you think you shouldn’t have these feelings. Well, don’t feel bad. Most authors have experienced some form of writer’s envy in their careers.

So what do we do about it? I like the way Erin Fulmer put it in her 2020 article on  professional jealousy 

Publishing isn’t a race.

Even if it were, the person who makes it to the next goalpost first is not necessarily going to make it to the one after that in record time.

But this isn’t a competition. There’s no deadline. Sure, the inevitable heat death of the universe is coming someday but until then, it’s anybody’s game.

And it’s not a zero-sum game. Yes, there is competition in publishing—I don’t want to sugar-coat that—but your friend getting a book deal or agent doesn’t meaningfully reduce your chances of the same, unless you are writing something extremely similar and submitting to the same editor/agent. Even then, it’s just as likely that their success will cause your work to be more in demand. A rising tide often does lift all boats.

If you are seeking a writing career, that journey only ends when you stop writing. There’s no finish line, no lifetime wish achievement that means you won like a good little Sim. There’s just the next book.

* * *

So, there you have it. Publishing is not a fair race. It can’t be since the judges (readers, agents, publishers) assess a writer’s work through the filter of their own backgrounds, tastes, and opinions. For example, I have a friend, a well-known writer, who entered her work in a writing contest some years ago. It was the kind of contest where several judges score the work and the entrant receives the results. Two of the judges scored her work in the 90’s and the third one rated her in the 50’s!

So maybe we need to adjust our perspective. As authors, we’re here to enhance the human experience through the written word, and we each do it in our own way. We’re a community, not combatants. We get to choose the lane we run in and how we want to run the race.

Envy tells us that success is more important than the journey. But if we truly love what we’re doing, we’ll seek success while finding the real joy in the writing. And with each circuit of the track, study and hard work will make us better. And in the long run, maybe that’s where the gold in the gold medal lies.

* * *

We’re fortunate that here at TKZ we have a community of contributors and commenters who go out of their way to offer suggestions and support for each other. A writing community at its best.

 

So TKZers: Do you feel that you’re in competition with other authors? Have you ever dealt with feelings of envy or jealousy of other writers? How do you handle them? What advice would you give to prospective authors, especially young ones, who may be feeling the same emotions?

Fear Not the Tsunami of Manure

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by James Scott Bell

Entertainment news this week has been dominated by the blockbuster success of Christopher Nolan’s The Odyssey. “Boffo BO,” as industry wags put it (also Matt Damon’s costumer).

Of course, it has generated some online heat, because what doesn’t these days? But there is also substantive discussion among Classics scholars, some of whom say that whatever the movie’s merits, it’s not Homer. (Reminds me of the line from a college essay years ago: “The Odyssey was not actually written by Homer, but by another man of the same name.”) Others have no problem with a “re-imagining” of an ancient epic.

I have no opinion either way, for I have not seen it. But I do extend a laurel and hearty handshake to Nolan for a couple of reasons. This is the first feature film shot entirely with IMAX cameras. IMAX is almost always used for loud set pieces, because the cameras themselves make a lot of noise. They are not good for quiet, intimate scenes.

But Nolan, working with his cinematographer Hoyte van Hoytema, designed a soundproof housing, called a “blimp,” to cover the camera. It suppressed the noise and allowed them to film soft exchanges.

But that created another problem. The blimp casing was so large that two actors couldn’t look at each other eye to eye, which is essential for emotional connection. So Nolan came up with the idea of using mirrors to let the actors see each other’s faces. Love it.

What I appreciate most is that Nolan eschewed all AI (and most CGI) in order to capture the traditional look of classic “cast of thousands” movies. That’s worth championing. Nolan believes, and the anecdotal evidence suggests, that young audiences are quick to reject AI slop. He says:

“They [Gen Z] see it for what it is very quickly – and it’s much easier for them to identify it, because it grew out of an online world they know really well,” he explained. “And while that doesn’t mean that every aspect of the technology is useless or meaningless, in filmmaking it’s hitting at exactly the wrong time. After years of driving towards heavily virtual environments, we’re seeing a renewed interest in more tactile, more real forms of storytelling.”

I think what Nolan says applies to AI-slop books. Yes, they can be churned out, but readers are rejecting them. There are a millions of slop books on Amazon with zero reviews. Because they suck. Oh, they’re made out of competent sentences, because that’s what LLMs do. But they’re missing a human soul. It’s just so obvious. For want of a better phrase, they “ring hollow.”

Here’s the opening of a slop novel on sale now:

The city doesn’t sleep. It just changes tempo.

You learn that if you stay up late enough.

There’s a moment—somewhere between two and three in the morning—when the traffic thins, when the noise drops from a constant roar to something more honest. Tires on wet asphalt. A distant shout that might be laughter or might not. The hum of streetlights that have been buzzing longer than anyone remembers.

That’s when I work.

That third paragraph is a hoot. What’s dishonest about a constant roar? Is it hiding something? How are tires on wet asphalt more honest than tires on dry asphalt? In what language is a shout the same as laughter? When was the last time you heard a streetlight buzz? How about never?

What’s happened here is an AI word salad, only it’s made out of the poop lettuce that’s been in the news of late. This is why people churning out 300 “novels” a year are just wasting their time on earth. Maybe some of them make a little Starbucks money, but what kind of existence is that?

My conclusion is that we who actually write (not prompt) fiction don’t have to fear the tsunami of manure being shoveled up to Amazon on a daily basis. That stuff goes nowhere. Write with your soul and that alone will set you apart from the stink pile.

Your comments are most welcome.

Winning Words of Wisdom

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Best seller status, glowing reviews, a legion of fans, a movie deal, even “just” getting published, none of these are within our control. We might be able to influence such external outcomes, but we can’t guarantee any of them will happen, as much as we might wish otherwise.

However, we can win at the actual writing, and today’s Words of Wisdom provides three different ways with excerpts from posts by James Scott Bell, PJ Parrish and Joe Hartlaub. As always, the original posts are very much worth reading in full, and are date-linked at the end of their respective excerpts.

What makes a winner?

Is it going on a web cam and shouting Winning?

Is it having a lot of money?

Is it owning a lot of things?

Let me contrast a couple of writers for you. (These writers are composites, BTW, so don’t ask me to name names).

The first writer has had a couple dozen New York Times bestsellers in her career. She is not shy in saying she found a formula that sells a lot of books. And she keeps cranking them out, two or three a year now. Her publisher is very happy about this.

But her readers are beginning to feel like she’s just “mailing it in.” And in secret she’ll tell you she can virtually sneeze out a book, and does. She spends a few hours a week writing and never edits her stuff. She just turns it in and lets the publisher do the rest. Which gives her plenty of time to travel to her chateau in Gstaad. Or to go to conference appearances, where she plays the diva in a way that even Joan Crawford would have applauded.

She has money. She owns things.

But is she a winner?

The other writer is someone you probably haven’t heard of yet, but those who have read her books have not been able to forget them. While she writes in a certain genre, and is prolific, her novels never have a cranked out feel. That’s because she cares about the writing too much. She cares about her readers too much. She could mail it in, but there’s something inside her that makes her constitutionally incapable of putting out junk.

She doesn’t have as much money as the first writer. Nor does she own as many things.

Is she a winner?

I’ll tell you what, you can’t get away from ancient wisdom. Buddha, Confucius, The Bible, the great philosophers . . . they have all been telling us that just having money and owning things does not make you a winner. In fact, if you’re not careful, they can shrivel you up into a thing that blows away like dried grass in a windstorm.

But this second writer, she can feel things the first writer no longer does (or perhaps never did). She feels the intense pleasure of working and caring and crying and laughing over her writing, of seeing things happen on the page that she knows are worth more than a million cranked out passages that exist just to earn more money so the author can own more things.

Is she a winner? Oh yes. And so is any writer in any genre who does more than just mail it in.

I’m talking about a writer who is courageous enough to have some skin in the game, and who isn’t in this business just to make money and own things. If the money comes, that’s great, that’s awesome. We’re not turning that down. But this kind of writer will never let it go to her head or her keyboard. She will refuse to do that to her readers.

James Scott Bell—May 8, 2011

So how does Team Parrish feel coming out of this half-time locker room break and strategy session? Full of cautious confidence. We started out this book full of hope and ambition. But as the game wore on, we just sort of flailed and fumbled around out on the field, hoping we could make progress by blind luck and maybe a last-minute field goal.  This is how the Jets play every single year. Or the Browns, whose fans show up at games carrying banners saying “We Still Have LeBron.”  You want to be Seattle. Or the Pats, who find a way to win even with Brady on the bench for four games.

What am I trying to say here? Well, it’s a variation on what all the good folks here at TKZ preach. Have a good work ethic. (you don’t want to be giving up in mid-season just because you’re a little gassed).  Have a good strategy going in. (a great idea or at least a fresh take on an old one). Devise a game plan and keep to it. (that means for some of you out there outlining). Stop at each quarter or at least half-time and see what has gone right and what had failed. Be flexible enough to make adjustments. Don’t quit, because as the great sports sage Yogi Berra said,  it ain’t over til it’s over.

And with that, I leave you with a few classic football cliches that are actually good advice for us writers:

You gotta work with what’s working. This is a variation on the more erudite “You go with what brought you to the dance.” If you’re a hard-boiled type at heart, maybe you shouldn’t try YA romantic zombie fiction just because it’s hot. Yes, stretch yourself, but don’t be crass. Readers smell insincerity a mile away.

It’s important to give the ball right back to the guy who lost it. Yes, you can make mistakes. In fact, they help you grow. If you’ve had a setback, be it a rejection letter, a bad review or just loss of confidence, don’t let it defeat you.  Favre is the leading career fumbler of all time. You think that when he put the rock on the ground, he thought about quitting? Heck no. The guy took risks. (Though the Killer Chihuahuas never forgave him for that last season…)

He heard footsteps. This is the wide receiver who feels a defender gaining on him so he takes his eye off the ball. For you, this means, don’t let distractions cripple you.  This can mean anything from the little — social media, chores, research — to major distractions — envy over other’s success, people who tell you that you’ll never get published.

He ran east and west instead of north and south. Or as Dan Dierdorf put it: “You gotta keep the axis of your body perpendicular to the goal line.”  For writers, this means always moving forward and maintaining momentum. This is my biggest problem because I become stalled in an insane quest for perfection when I should be grinding out that first draft.  I spent too much time running east and west instead of heading toward the goal line. Don’t be like me.  Be a downhill runner.

It’s a game of inches. Success in publishing almost always comes hard and gradually. You pound away at that keyboard, bang your head up against big forces that feel like they are bent on keeping you back. You spend months, years, on your WIP and only manage to move a few yards forward.  But this is how it’s done. Slow and steady. And you never, ever, come prepared to play only one game because you must…

Take it one game at a time. Finish that book, get it out there somehow and then start the next one. And as you do this you will…

Leave it all on the field. You gave it everything you had because, of course…

There’s no tomorrow.

PJ Parrish—September 13, 2016

 

My suggestion is to write every day. That is not new or original advice. I am offering it particularly, however, to those of you who have no intention of or inclination toward starting or completing a story or having it revealed in the harsh light of day. Writing something every day because you want to, instead of when you have to, is good for you. I truly believe that writing regardless of length or motive makes one smarter — whatever that is — and yes, happier. Writing even one sentence of a few words per day enables you, the unintentional writer, to say, “I wrote this.” It may not give you an adrenaline rush but I submit to you that it will produce, at the least, a drop of it in your cup. It’s the difference between doing an action because you are required to (for reasons from within or without) and doing it because you want to. It can crack the ice that freezes your thinking, whether you write on a post-it, a computer, or your hand. It is an activity that you can do without prompting, or the desire of future reward, other than that occasioned by performing the act itself. I have mentioned this before, but the television series Miami Vice was born as the result of two words handwritten on a piece of paper. The words were “MTV cops.” Your results may differ. That’s the point. There are those who may keep a diary or journal for a similar reason. What I propose is not as involved.

This post is but one example of “wanting to” as opposed to “being compelled to.” I started this post with one sentence, though it is not the introductory sentence that you see above. I wrote a few words to get rolling and then took off, as John Coltrane said, in both directions at once. It was because I wanted to. “The Kill Zone” name notwithstanding, no one here writes with a gun to their head. We are all here because we want to be, whether to write or to read what is written.

Joe Hartlaub—May 29, 2021

***

What are your thoughts about “winning” at writing? Any advice or tips?

Reader Friday-A Different Kind of Post

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Sometimes we find ourselves complaining about our life circumstances. You’d think at my advanced age I wouldn’t do that, but there it is.

I was thinking the other day about being the one child out of my parents’ four who had the job of navigating their dying with them. Harsh? No, reality. There were four of us. Two passed away in the ‘80’s, which left my older brother and I. But he lives on the east coast, and I live in our PNW hometown, as did our parents.

When I was actually in the throes of caring for them, I didn’t think too much about it. It was just a job that had to be done.

But after they were both gone—Mom in 2016 and Dad this year in January—it’s like I started feeling sorry for myself that I couldn’t have shared that “burden” with anyone else.

After remonstrating with myself for a few months—telling myself to stop being such a whiner—I experienced a profound shift in heart and mind.

 

That shift is called “gratitude”. It made me realize the stupendous, breathtaking privilege I had been given—to take care of the ones who’d cared for me my whole life.

And then, life turned the tables on me. I got to help usher them into their next life. And there was time, time, and more time to say my thank-yous and my good-byes and see ya later to them. What a gift!

 

 

 

How about you? What—right here, right now—is the most cherished privilege you’ve been given? And how will you communicate that to those around you?

Comments most welcome…

 

True Crime Thursday – You Could Be Breaking the Law if You…

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by Debbie Burke

 

Getting arrested in a foreign country can ruin a summer vacation. Here are five obscure laws you don’t want to violate, courtesy of Sydney Criminal Lawyers.com.au

1. Milan, Italy – Put a Big Smile on Your Face

Credit: Picryl

A city regulation dating from the Austro-Hungarian era requires residents and visitors to smile at all times. A grim expression could get you fined, unless you’re attending a funeral, working in a hospital, or visiting sick family members.

2. Sarpourenx, France – Die in the city limits and face severe punishment

Not the site of the actual crime. Photo credit: Eli Duke, CC by SA-2.0

The mayor of the city issued an edict “prohibiting people from dying within the city limits unless they had previously purchased a plot in a local parish cemetery.” So, what are they gonna do??? Kill ya???

3. Singapore – No Juicy Fruit, Spearmint, or Dubble Bubble

In 1995, Singapore enacted the “Anti-chewing Gum Regulation” to “promote cleanliness and avoid the costly problem of gum getting stuck on sidewalks.” And they’re serious. Penalties can be fines up to 200,000 Singapore dollars (approximately $155,000 US dollars) and/or three years in prison.

4. Oshawa, Canada – Hey, you! Get outta that tree!

Public domain, credit glenncarstenspeters

In 2008, the city passed legislation to protect trees on municipal property, prohibiting damage to a tree or any part of it. That includes “any interference with trees on municipal property, including climbing or attaching objects to them.”

Honeymooners, beware. Don’t carve your initials in trees owned by the city of Oshawa.  

5. Thailand – No topless driving

Credit: Chris Beckett

In Thailand, neither males nor females are permitted “drive a motorbike, car, or tuk-tuk without a shirt on.” Fines are apparently minimal, but do you want to take a chance of ruining your vacation?

 

Now relax and enjoy your visit to these countries, secure in the knowledge you won’t run afoul of obscure violations.

Bon voyage!

~~~

Cover by Brian Hoffman

 

In Dead Man’s Bluff, a romantic Florida vacation goes sour for Tawny Lindholm and Tillman Rosenbaum when an old friend disappears during a hurricane. Their search for him takes them deep into treacherous floodwaters where human predators prove more dangerous than reptiles. Buy at online retailers or ask your favorite indie bookstore to order for you.

The Homme Fatal

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In a Lonely Place review – Bogart still captivatingly cynical in noir classic | Thrillers | The Guardian

“I was born when she kissed me. I died when she left me. I lived a few weeks while she loved me.” — Dix Steel In A Lonely Place.

By PJ Parrish

I was sleepless in unsettlement — it had been a rough week what with apocalyptic smoke-sulphuric skies and gut parasites — so as usual I turned to my private Ambien — Turner Classic Movies. Eddie Muller was just coming on to introduce In A Lonely Place.

Two hours later, I was still wide awake and in awe. How in the world had I missed this movie? I devour old noir films yet this one had somehow always eluded me, even though it’s considered a classic. I come to you today, fedora in hand, deeply ashamed.

Humphrey Bogart, in what might be his finest performance, sheds his heroic armor to play the boozy, trigger-temper screenwriter Dix Steele, suspected of murder and captivated by his failed-starlet neighbor Gloria Grahame (who can say more with one raised eyebrow than most of today’s actresses can do with their lines.)

This isn’t your conventional noir. It’s more a psychological thriller and a heartbreaking love story. There’s no happily-ever-after, just what one writer called “an epitath for love.” It’s also a meditation on movies and screenwriting, and male cruelty. In the end, it also has an oddly feminist undernote.

I was so entranced by the movie that the next morning, I hied over to my library where I found the source material — Dorothy B. Hughes’ 1947 book. (It was re-issued three years ago by Penguin Modern Classics). Okay, again I confess shame, as I had never read the book. I’ve been making my way through the oldies for years now, But this one…wow.

I’m not alone here in my ignorance. The critic John Powers wrote:

It’s something of an axiom that good novels make bad movies, but one of my favorite exceptions is In A Lonely Place. For years, I lazily assumed that [director Nicolas Ray] had turned a lousy pulp thriller into a silk purse. Then one day, I finally read it. And I discovered that the novel is more groundbreaking than the film. And that Hughes belongs in the crime writing pantheon with male icons like Dashiell Hammett and Raymond Chandler.

Now I have to turn to crime novelist Megan Abbot, who wrote the afterword for the re-issue::

Reading In a Lonely Place for the first time is like finding the long-lost final piece to an enormous puzzle. Within its Spanish bungalows, its eucalyptus-scented shadows, you feel as though you’ve discovered a delicious and dark secret, a tantalizing page-turner with sneakily subversive undercurrents. [Its]  influence on crime fiction is unsung yet inescapable. From Patricia Highsmith and Jim Thompson to Bret Easton Ellis and Thomas Harris, nearly every “serial killer” tale of the last seventy years bears its imprint—both in terms of its sleek, relentless style and its claustrophobic “mind of the criminal” perspective.

But its larger influence derives from Hughes’s uncanny grasp of the connection between violence and misogyny and an embattled masculinity. And its importance extends beyond form or genre and into cultural mythos: the birth of American noir.

That last part about toxic masculinity is important. Because while that aspect is present in the movie in the form of Bogart’s seething anger, the book is where the violence really boils over.

I was taken by how different the film is from the book. (Yes, we can name dozens of cases where this is true in crime fiction — and please feel free to weigh in here). But it’s really striking here.

In the book, Dix Steele is an actual serial killer, but in the movie he is a mere suspect in one hat-check girl’s death. In the book Steele is a true psychopath, who fakes being a crime novelist so he can sponge off a wealthy uncle. An ex fighter pilot, Steele is frustrated that his post-war life is so lifeless and emasculating, Steele turns to stalking and killing women for kicks. “They were all alike, cheats, liars, whores,” Steele says in the book. “Even the pious ones were only waiting for a chance to cheat and lie and whore.”

In the movie, Steele is still hot-headed but more as a screenwriter poisoned by temper and his desperation for another hit. And he is fatally capable of falling in love.

As Megan Abbott sagely noted, Hughes has always been fascinated by the loners who lurk on society’s edge. Hughes’ 1963 thriller The Expendable Man tackled American racism. With In A Lonely Place, she plunges us deep into Dix’s warped psyche. It reminds me somewhat of Patricia Highsmith’s Tom Ripley, in that we almost want to root for the guy because he’s so damaged.

Then there’s that feminist note I mentioned. The book, unlike the movie, is a scathing indictment of toxic masculinity.  And while the movie ends on plaintive note, the book is a twisty paen to post-war girl power. Again, I’ll quote Megan Abbott:

Dix’s story reveals the essence of being a violent hater. He tries to control his feelings of sadness and powerlessness, not through self-knowledge or personal change, but by finding someone to blame and erase — in this case, women. But far from bringing him salvation or even relief, his hatred turns out to be the loneliest place of all.

To his mind, the enemy is not the war, its trauma, but what men face upon their return: staid domesticity, the strictures of class, emasculation. And these threats are embodied wholly in women. Women, whose penetrating gazes are far mightier than his sword.

In case you haven’t seen or read either, I won’t give them away the two endings. I’ll leave that for you enjoy.

So, which is better — book or movie? I loved them both, for different reasons. The central theme is there in both, that the lonely place is not without, but within. Well, let’s let Hughes, via Dix Steele, tell you what that feels like:

Fear wasn’t a jagged split of light cleaving you; fear wasn’t a cold fist in your entrails; fear wasn’t something you could face and demolish with your arrogance. Fear was the fog, creeping about you, winding its tendrils about you, seeping into your pores and flesh and bone. Fear was a girl whispering a word over and again, a small word you refused to hear although the whisper was a scream in your ears, a dreadful scream you could never forget. You heard it over and again and the fog was a ripe red veil you could not tear away from your eyes.

In A Lonely Place. Watch it. Read it. You’ll thank me.

 

What IS That Smell?

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We all know how distinct odors can enhance a scene. What does buttery popcorn evoke in you? What about freshly baked apples? Or steamed lobster? Or a campfire?

Those are all wonderful smells that make us feel happy, excited, or content. However, fiction shouldn’t only include pleasant or comforting scenes, or the narrative feels fake. Real life isn’t all rose petals (another great smell). So, why do some writers shy away from rank or offensive odors?

“Odors have a power of persuasion stronger than that of words, appearances, emotions or will.”

— Patrick Süskind, author of Perfume: The Story of a Murderer

I’m one of those strange people who love the smell of blood. When I read “a metallic” or “irony” stench, it doesn’t elicit a shocked or fearful response in me. You know what does elicit a visceral response? Stress sweat.

Stress sweat has a very distinctive smell, which only occurs during times of “flight or fight.”

I heard a reference to it recently in a movie. One character said to another, “Why does stress sweat stink worse than regular sweat?” And I thought, huh, they’re right. Why does it smell worse?

Down the research rabbit hole, I dove. What I discovered blew my mind. Now, I’m sharing it with you because, y’know, that’s what writers do. Perhaps you can use some of this research to add realism to your story.

Stress Sweat

Stress sweat has a unique pungent odor because it’s produced by the apocrine glands (located in the armpits and groin), rather than the standard eccrine glands used for heat regulation. Triggered by adrenaline, this sweat is thicker, milky, and rich in proteins and lipids (fats). Skin bacteria feed on these nutrients, and produce volatile, odorous compounds.

The Science of Sweat

When we are hot or exercising, our body uses eccrine glands to cool down. This sweat is 99% water and salt, with almost no odor. However, psychological stress triggers our “fight or flight” response, which releases hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. These hormones activate the apocrine glands, located in areas with high concentrations of hair follicles, like underarms and groin.

The resulting stress sweat stands out due to the following reasons:

  • Nutrient-Rich Fluid: Unlike watery exercise sweat, apocrine glands secrete a thick, milky fluid packed with proteins, lipids (fats), and fatty acids.
  • The Bacterial Feast: The bacteria naturally living on your skin thrive on these fats and proteins. As the bacteria consume and break down these nutrients, they produce volatile organic compounds that emit a sharp, foul odor.
  • Massive Volume Increase: When our body enters “fight or flight” mode, our underarms can secrete roughly 30 times more sweat than when we are at rest. This creates excess food for the bacteria, which intensifies a sudden concentration of body odor.

Several factors, including sex, genetics, age, and diet can influence the type of odor that an individual emits. In fact, it has been suggested that, like a fingerprint, every individual’s body odor is unique and may be partly determined by genetics.

Ever lost a loved one and clung to their pillow, hoping and praying their scent would never fade?

Men have larger sweat glands and generally produce more sweat than women.

Fun Fact: Deodorants contain chemicals that kill skin flora and block production of stinky byproducts. Antiperspirants reduce the amount of sweat by clogging sweat glands. Many contain aluminum chloride, which creates a gel-like substance that forms a plug at the sweat ducts in the skin.

Biological Triggers for Other Offensive Body Odors

Sickness/Infection Odor (Volatile Organic Compounds)

Diseases change body chemistry. Diabetic ketoacidosis smells like rotting apples. Liver failure smells musty or fishy. Infected wounds smell sweet and sickeningly fruity due to specific bacteria. For some reason, I can detect the infection smell quite early. Not sure why I’m sensitive to it, but I’ve helped more than one animal before the infection spread enough to be noticeable. Maybe that’s my superpower. 🙂

In early stages, humans cannot detect the smell of cancer, but dogs can…

Dogs have up to 300 million scent receptors compared to humans’ 5 or 6 million, allowing them to detect scents in parts per trillion. They detect cancer by smelling specific Volatile Organic Compounds (VOCs) released by bodily tissues when cancer alters the body’s metabolism and cellular chemistry.

Often, what people detect as a “cancer smell” is actually a side effect of chemotherapy. Patients receiving treatment may excrete chemical byproducts through their skin and fluids, leading to odors described as metallic, like burnt hair, or like ammonia/chlorine.

Starvation/Dehydration Breath (Ketones & Decreased Saliva)

When someone’s saliva dries up, anaerobic bacteria multiply, causing a dead, sulfurous breath. If they enter starvation, their body burns fat for fuel. This creates chemical or metallic acetone breath.

Plants & Animals

Flowers produce fragrances as an evolutionary strategy to attract pollinators and ensure reproduction, and many species of insects, fish, and mammals emit peculiar odors to attract mates. In fact, male brown lemmings can tell whether a female has ever mated simply by her odor.

The Evolutionary Purpose

Scientists believe stress sweat served an evolutionary function. In early human history, stress sweat acted as a chemo-signal to warn others of danger. Studies have shown when humans smell the stress sweat of others, their brains automatically become more alert and are more likely to perceive neutral cues as potential threats.

Chemical Signaling (Olfactory Communication)

Humans evolved to unconsciously detect the chemical composition of fear and anxiety. When others detect these specific odors, it triggers increased alertness and vigilance in their own brains, warning them of unseen dangers.

Enhanced Grip for Survival

Sweating on the palms and soles is an evolutionary adaptation intended to dampen the skin, which improves friction and grip when we need to run, climb, or fight for our lives.

Predator Deterrence

Some evolutionary biologists theorize that putting off a sharp, unappealing scent when terrified may have helped startle or deter predators evaluating the vulnerability of prey.

I found more information on how the aging body’s chemistry changes (i.e., the smell of nursing homes), but I had to stop before this post turned into a book.

For fun, what’s your favorite smell? What smell churns your stomach acids? Are there any smells you’re overly sensitive to?